Ladybird
In this cold, empty space
I find myself adrift
I’ve heard murmurs but not yet touched your face
I”ve felt stirrings but not yet entered your space
Perhaps I’ve tugged at your robe and held aloft your sweet gaze
But there’s nothing to be had
No games to play
No power wielding
Sword carrying
Snake riding
Spiral circling womb matrix
Here
There is a ladybird on a leaf
A bee floating by
Rosemary moving softly
A hawk in the sky
There is a breath in my body
A pulse in my veins
Light in my eyes
A chest rising
A hand writing
And a mercy slicing me to the bone
A laying down of hands
A reckoning humility that lays my childish fantasies to bare
Ive got nothing here
Nothing to prove
Nothing to say
Nothing to achieve
The relentless pushing can end
I wanted it to be magnificent
So I could feel grandiose
Build my Image and Tell my Tales
But you Mary have undone me
Its just Me
This breath
This body
This life
This Humanity
Snakes Give Way
Oracles, Shamans, Goddesses
We’ve been them all
Wise medicine women know when to shed their skins
Power is an old game whose Master demands a heavy toll
Bloodthirsty at its core
Vengeance may get your thighs wet but you won’t be able to call your Soul your own
Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
Staffs break, spells give way
The past is over
Weep for it if you must but Her body is alchemizing and
Listening to the Dawn
The Sun is Rising
A new way is Birthing
Those feeding Hate don’t have long
There is a Compass
A stellar Light
A passage way Home
And Her time is come
Stellar Maris
This wretched grief has tore me anew
Standing with flesh wide open
Caverns of emptiness
Can’t catch my breath
This axe of grief cleaving my lungs
Grasping for breath
Where is this weight coming from?
In a previous life, I would have said its the world
The world is undone
The brokenness of family trees
Broken promises
Empty kisses
Shallow hugs and forked tongues
But when I finished my tears for the empty desert of dry dust materialism
This was not the grief killing me
It was new and far more dangerous
The tears of the unexpressed me
Grieving for the unbirthed me and I, her prison guard
Im grieving the necessary death of who I wanted to be
And grieving how and why I sculpted such an image to be
But there comes a time when the stealing has to stop and false idols burn
And the line in the sand is drawn
So finally, perhaps wisely, I ask She what is that She wants from me?
If I were Her and She me, what would I build?
What crucible would I be?
Marriage
I do not like this quiet space
Where I am alone
This wretchedness of mortal Skin
And I see all my desires and see how they use me
Feels like spider webs are crawling
But some part of me likes to be alone
And keep my secret places hidden
My falsehoods are precious gems to my identity
I tell myself, I’m enough
I can do this on my own
My false sense of independence
My entitlement as a woman
Am I not the breaker of chains?
Except there is a glaring falsehood in this made up reality
I was never just I
There was a Sun in my Breast and a Moon in my Eye
And in this soft flesh was birthed a sacrifice
A love story
An eternal love affair
Where there was once One
A second emerged
Starry and crowned
She breathed Heaven
And full up on Love’s gin
She intoxicated the worlds
But never left Her Lover’s Side
For She was Him
And He was Her
And Side by Side
Love Became Human
When my arrogance subsides, I hear their Love breathing up and down my spine.
And I am elated once more
Kissed by the Sun and adored by the Moon
The Beloveds have become Me